Converstations Over Cafecito

Read When You Are Not Ready

I worry, alot. Especially when it comes to the future. Hand in hand with my worrying comes planning. I’ve tried to plan ever since single moment of my life since I could remember. From what I am going to do 10 minutes from now, to 2 weeks from now, to 3 years from now – or so I thought.
Recently there has come a point where I don’t have the next moment planned. My chapter of undergrad is coming to a close and I am not ready.

I am not ready to start writing a new chapter, mostly because I don’t know what I am going to write. The ambiguity has left a very unsettled feeling in my stomach.

For the beginning of fall, I was in a constant state of anxiety. I was wide awake at odd hours of the night playing in my head how the future could play out. I made to-do lists, and constructed plan A-Z. Then I had to take a step back…

Why I am really freaking out?

Am I freaking out because this chapter is closing or because I don’t know what the next chapter brings?

I think choice B was correct, did I just pass the test of life?

Then came the sigh of relief. Fear is me holding back. Fear is what is always holding us back.

It’s okay to not be ready for the next chapter. It’s okay to not know what your first word might be or in what direction the story is going. It’s certainly okay to just have a big question mark on everything.

It is not okay though to live through fear. That’s the energy sucker right there. It’s like having your phone brightness on 100% and playing 3 hours of candy crush and then wondering why your phone is about to die.

So what now? We celebrate. We celebrate that my hard work the past 4 years has payed off. We celebrate the unknown. We celebrate the possibility of anything happening. We celebrate the changes that are about to come, that are going to help us grow. How amazing is that? How amazing is it to know that literally anything can come your way.

Being afraid keeps us staginant. It doesn’t move us forward.

I am still not ready for the next chapter, but I no longer live in fear of it.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk,
Anais

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Photography by Allie Klawitter

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